Exhaustion

Well today was ok I guess-just a normal day. I played with the boys, did a little cleaning, and the went to Aunt Jamie's for dinner. I learned a couple of days ago from Blake that I have a reputation with the Army guys. I'm the mean Army Wife. I will admitt I can be a bitch, but only when provoked. I can be your best friend or worst enemy; the choice is yours. So far he has been asked why he married me and is he going to cheat on me while he is over there. hhhmmmmmm All I have to say is that I do trust him, but I hate that he is surrounded by guys that put that garbage in his head. I mean for once I have done nothing to them. Hell I took up for one of the guys that has said this stuff, see if I take up for him again. Stupid me I thought they had better things to do in Iraq than this stupid High School crap!!! And about the cheating, all I have to say is-Power of Attorney :) I just don't appreciate people saying shit about me when they don't even know me. Normally I wouldn't care, but these are the guys that are suppose to have my husband's back. A few weeks ago Blake and I were talking about a similar situation when I told him something along the lines of I want to meet just one Army person that isn't the stereotype drama filled, shit starter. Lo and behold I did.......Nik and Heather aren't like that. But they are the only ones that I know of, so far......uuugggghhhhh and I thought getting out of the ER would stop the stupid drama-silly me. Well that is my rant for the day. I am going to try and get some rest while I have the chance-the boys will be up soon cause they can't be letting mom get too much sleep...........143

I Can't Think of a Catchy Title

Well nothing much happened today. The boys and I got up this morning and got packed and came up to the house in Cherokee Village, our home until further notice. On the way up here Blake called, which was AWESOME!!!! That is only the second time I have heard his voice since he left. He said one of the guys asked him why he married me. Blake puzzled said why do you ask that and the guy said she is mean isn't she. haha Me??? Mean??? I am the nicest person you will ever meet until you piss me off. That's how good I am, I have a reputation half way around the world haha Blake said he thought he had me mixed up with another wife. Oh well, let them think what they want, doesn't bother me. The way I look at it is if they are saying that about me then they are giving someone else a break haha Even though we are here in Cherokee and getting settled in I still have some unpacking to do. I have been living out of a suitcase for almost 4 weeks and it feels good to be able to put my clothes in drawers again. Well that is about all for now.....I'm exhausted, the boys didn't let me sleep much last night only about 3 hours. More later..........I miss you Blakeapotamus 143 Stay safe!!!

Scedule....WTF is That??

So today was a lonely day for me for some reason. The day started early as usual for me. And around mom and dads house that usually means with a good bickering. I wake up to tell mom happy birthday to which she replies with a yell about something not being done right......I look at dad and say well this is going to be a fun day and he just laughed. So we get ready to go out to Chris and Stacy's for a get together to celebrate mom's birthday...........I got the boys ready and sat down at the computer, where much to my delite Blake was online!!! YAY!!!! Of course all of the fussing that was going on was making me miss him even more!!! We just had our normal talk and of course as we were saying our goodbyes I started to tear up. I started crying for no reason at all. I was missing him, Oklahoma, stressed out, and tired of being told how to live my life.....so of course mom walks in and sees me crying and asked me what was wrong. I told her nothing and of course she pressed and pressed on and I said nothing I was just missing Blake and worried about him......for some reason this set her off. She went on about how I just needed to get over it...............I understand I need to get the kids in a routine, but last time I checked my husband was in a war zone. Excuse the hell out of me for being a little emotional......so needless to say that pissed me off. That is one of the main reasons I want to move back to OK, people there know what you are going through they don't here, and plus I feel closer to Blake there. I know its noone's fault that they can't relate to me, but hells bells let me be emotional if I need to be. I thought we would be in the house in Cherokee Village by now, but things keep getting in the way. I am so ready to get the kids settled and get in a routine, after all the have been drug around enough. Hopefully tomorrow morning we will head up there and see what we can do about a routine. Today was just a pissy day all around and Elijah is becoming impossible to get to sleep at night. He is use to his daddy putting him to bed, he has been screaming for 2 hours straight and now he is in his bed screaming......I'm about to pull my hair out I don't know what to do for him. Well I guess that is about it.....hopefully tomorrow will be a better day than today.......I will try not to cry so I don't offend anybody......143

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!

So not much happened today.....I agree with Stacy. This is the first time in my life that I have done nothing for the fourth of july. With Blake being gone I think it would have been too emotional for me. Plus mom worked and with Little Granny being in the hospital this week, I didn't think they would be up for company. I tried to get Kale and Elijah to do some sparkelers but they weren't interested.......hhhmmmm maybe they would have preferred bottle rockets. I got to chat with Blake online twice today, and Elijah even got to see him on web cam. I am going to have to try harder to get both he and Kale on a schedule and stick to it or I will end up pulling my hair out. I am starting to work through my daze and see the light at the end of the tunnel.....I know there will be hard days ahead, but I must keep on trucking for my boys' sake. Well that is about all......I think I am going to go flip tv stations and relax and then try to get some rest. Blake I love you honey-stay safe!!

Pictures

Here are some pictures from the deployment. I'm not smart enough to know how to move them around for them to be in order but hey at least I posted pictures.

Our last hug!!! I want just one more!!!

Heather, Wyatt, and Nik

Nik holding Wyatt and Blake holding Elijah

Aren't we just cute :)

Just us!

Look at him trying to be all romantic.

There we are after first formation.....it was damn early!!

The Phone Call I've Been Waiting For!!!

So I was tossing and turning around 1am when my phone went off with a text. It was Heather saying that Nik just called her.....YAY!!! So of course I waited and waited and nothing at all for me :( So around 1030 my phone rang with a funky number, I knew it had to be Blake, and it was!!!!! I can't describe how it felt to finally hear his voice. True it has only been 2 days, but its not like he is on vacation or something. So we talked 10 or 15 minutes and it was great. It made me feel better to hear his voice and know that he is ok......so tonight I was sitting there and I get a text that says get on yahoo messenger......so bit and I walk to them computer and not only did I get to talk to him I got to see him on webcam!!!! So I put Elijah up on the desk and he started cooeing and swatting at Blake on the screen. Talk about a bittersweet moment. Poor thing is going to think his daddy lives in the computer. So we talked for a few minutes and then he was off to have breakfast......today has been a good day. I am starting to see that I can do this!! It will be hard and will come with alot of sleepless nights, but I can do this!! So tomorrow when everyone is gathered with their families and shooting fireworks, just stop for a moment and send up some good thoughts and prayers for those who are separated from their families.....whether they are in the military or are separated for other reasons. I miss Blake so much, but I know I can do this!!! One more day without him here means one more day closer to him coming home....I miss you baby!! Stay safe!!!! 143

In a Daze........

Well well well.....what can I say. Yesterday(July 1st) sucked big time!! Blake left for Iraq and I just stood there frozen, in a daze. The morning began early as we had to be on post for 0550 formation. After that they ate breakfast. As we are standing in line Blake realizes he doesn't have an IR flag. Infra red flag patch that glows under night vision glasses. So he looks at me and I know that I am about to go search the town for an IR Flag. He asked Nik if he had one and he didn't, so off Heather and I go.......the places that had them were either sold out or didn't open until 10 which didn't help us because they were leaving at 10. So we get back in time to talk to the guys for a bit until they had to go draw their weapons. After that time flew....before I knew it they were lined up for another formation and then prayer....them the last second goodbyes...then another formation. As their name was called they had to board the bus, no kiss, no hug, no nothing............This was probably the single most emotional moment of the day.......I can't explain it. It was like I wanted to scream no don't go, but what good would that have done. I stood there clinging to Elijah and when Nik and Blake got their names called Heather and I just clung to one another................Poor Elijah's head was wet from my tears. He doesn't understand. And the worst thing is Blake won't be here to see him take his first steps, say his first word, he will miss all of the first things. So after the goodbyes it was time for Elijah and I to make the trip back to Arkansas.......
Elijah was so good for the trip i only had to stop twice to feed him. When we got to mom and dad's I saw Kale. I missed him so very much. He got up out of his recliner and gave me the biggest, longest hug I think he has ever given me.......its like he was saying mommy everything will be ok. So I have been walking around in a daze with my phone glued to me, waiting for the first call from Blake........I don't know when that will be, but I hope it is soon.....I need to hear his voice and know he is ok. I think I got a big 2 hours of sleep last night and I can't eat, if I do it just comes right back up. The night time is the worst. Elijah was screaming out of control and I knew he wanted daddy, but I was all he had and he eventually calmed down. I just want this time to go by smoothly and fast. I want all of the guys home and safe............I really am disappointed in myself. I thought I was better prepared for this. I know I have to start getting out of my daze, my boys need me, but I just don't know what to do.....it will come to me and I will get through this. I know I can. I have to. And when Blake comes home I will be waiting for him. So, Blake, if you are reading this please stay safe and know that I love you. I am so proud of you and proud to be your wife..........143