Nerves of Steel.......well kinda

Well today was more of the same....packing up and crying. Today was full of confirmations and double checking that we have all of our ducks in a row. We had the pre deployment briefing tonight which was boring as hell to say the least. We learned some new info and I actually made a friend....OK honestly I think we were separated at birth haha Hey Heather whoop whoop!!! Speaking of Heather I saw a poem on her myspace page that I am going to acquire for my blog hehe. Well that is all for now, because if I keep typing I will get all emotional again and that can't be happening.....peace out and see yall soon!!!

This is the poem I acquired from Heather's page:

i'm not ready to be on my own
i'm not ready to spend hours by the phone
i'm not ready to be a single mom
i'm not ready for it to be my dusk when its your dawn
i'm not ready for all of the tears
i'm not ready to face an empty bed for an entire year
i'm not ready for you to miss our son grow
i'm not ready to have only pictures to show
i'm not ready for what others have to say
i'm not ready for your deployment day
poem by:lashanda moon

and here is another one that I found a little bit ago and put it on my myspace page and thought I would share it here.

The Silent Ranks
I wear no uniforms, no blues or greens.But, I am in the military, in the ranks rarely seen.I have no rank upon my shoulders. Salutes I do not give.But in the military world is where I live and am rarely seen.I am not in the chain of command, orders I do not give or get.But my husband is the one who does, this I can not forget.I am not the one who fires a weapon, Who puts his life on the line.But my job is just as tough, I’m the one who is always left behind.My husband is a patriot, a brave and pride filled man.And the call to serve his country not all can understand.Behind the lines, I see things needed to keep this country free.My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do my kids and me.I love the man I married. The military is his life.So I pledge to support my hero and stand among the silent ranks known asTHE MILITARY WIFE.

The Begining of Many Hard Days

Well today was the first of many hard days to come. Today was the deployment ceremony and I was so not prepared for the flood of emotions. Elijah and I walked in to the Army band playing and it scared the hell out of him. So we walked to the opposite end of the gym and he calmed down a little bit. I spotted Blake in formation and he pointed me to sit with a girl I have met once....literally once. So we sat there and tried to listen to the top dawgs talk but you couldn't understand a thing they were saying. I heard blah blah blah God speed be with you. They played the National Anthem and I tell you I think this was the first time I heard it that I got emotional. It was different for me.....for the first time I felt a connection with the Army Wives around me. We all looked at each other and without saying a word we knew what each other was feeling. So they were done with the ceremony and we all went out on the gym floor to greet the guys. Once again Elijah started screaming his head off. It hit me.....he hadn't seen Blake in his ACU hat(the camoflauge baseball cap looking one) He didn't know who he was.........then it happened.....a glimpse into the future. I thought this is what it is going to be like when he returns........I almost broke down right then and there.....yes I said ALMOST!!! Even though I knew this was coming and even though I knew what I was getting into, it doesn't make it any easier. I HATE I mean HATE to hear people say, I know how you feel my husband was gone for a week last month. Come on!!! Give me a f-ing break!!! I know you are trying to help but seriously it doesn't. And God help you if you say well you knew what you were getting into. So now all there is left to do is finish packing up the house and just enjoy what little time I have left with my husband.
I always told myself that I would never marry a military man. Blake asked me a few months back what happened to that. I said I fell in love. If this has made me realize one thing it is cling tight to your other half. Yes, they drive you crazy at times and know how to push your buttons......but think of it like this........when your spouse is pushing yours, some where there is a military spouse wishing theirs could be home to push theirs. I think a deployment is a true test of a relationship. I don't know many friendships, let alonbe marriages, that could last 15-18 months without seeing or hugging or kissing the one you love. Just think about how blessed we all are to have love in our lives.......I know I am more blessed than I ever deserve to be.
I know this was the first of many hard and stressful days to come, but I have to be strong for my boys.......they need me to be strong! Strong is all I know to be sometimes. I place my faith and love in the good Lord's hands and I know He will protect all that I love and keep everyone safe. This coming fourth of July will probably be the hardest for me yet. Yes, it was hard when my brother was in Iraq, but truth is we aren't that close. It's different when it is your spouse, your better half. Just hold the ones you love and thank God that you have them...........I am starting to cry to I am going to pack some boxes and drowned my sorrow in coca cola :) I will see you all soon!!!!!!
Just a side note, Kale wasn't with us today because he stayed behind with granny and pop. He is having a wonderful time visiting with his daddy, step mother, and sister........I miss him horribly and it feels weird being here without him. Ryan and Erika have been a big help and have come through for me in the biggest way possible....thank you guys!!!

busy little bees

Well I know it has been 6 lifetimes since I have posted a blog......I know I know I suck at this. Today we got the uhaul trailer thingy and are in the process of packing it. Tomorrow we will head to Arkansas and be staying where the boys and I will be living while Blake is in Iraq. It is going to be a long exhausting day tomorrow and I am dreading it!!!! We will be there until around the 22nd and then its back to Oklahoma for Blake, Elijah, and me. We will come back here and pack the house up and put stuff in storage and see Blake off. He will leave sometime after that, I can't say online because the Army tells us not to. (Don't ask me just be proud of me for following the rules for once haha) Well I need to get off here and feed my men and finish packing and write 2 papers....ugh!!! I will try to post more once we get everything turned on in the village.