The Begining of Many Hard Days

Well today was the first of many hard days to come. Today was the deployment ceremony and I was so not prepared for the flood of emotions. Elijah and I walked in to the Army band playing and it scared the hell out of him. So we walked to the opposite end of the gym and he calmed down a little bit. I spotted Blake in formation and he pointed me to sit with a girl I have met once....literally once. So we sat there and tried to listen to the top dawgs talk but you couldn't understand a thing they were saying. I heard blah blah blah God speed be with you. They played the National Anthem and I tell you I think this was the first time I heard it that I got emotional. It was different for me.....for the first time I felt a connection with the Army Wives around me. We all looked at each other and without saying a word we knew what each other was feeling. So they were done with the ceremony and we all went out on the gym floor to greet the guys. Once again Elijah started screaming his head off. It hit me.....he hadn't seen Blake in his ACU hat(the camoflauge baseball cap looking one) He didn't know who he was.........then it happened.....a glimpse into the future. I thought this is what it is going to be like when he returns........I almost broke down right then and there.....yes I said ALMOST!!! Even though I knew this was coming and even though I knew what I was getting into, it doesn't make it any easier. I HATE I mean HATE to hear people say, I know how you feel my husband was gone for a week last month. Come on!!! Give me a f-ing break!!! I know you are trying to help but seriously it doesn't. And God help you if you say well you knew what you were getting into. So now all there is left to do is finish packing up the house and just enjoy what little time I have left with my husband.
I always told myself that I would never marry a military man. Blake asked me a few months back what happened to that. I said I fell in love. If this has made me realize one thing it is cling tight to your other half. Yes, they drive you crazy at times and know how to push your buttons......but think of it like this........when your spouse is pushing yours, some where there is a military spouse wishing theirs could be home to push theirs. I think a deployment is a true test of a relationship. I don't know many friendships, let alonbe marriages, that could last 15-18 months without seeing or hugging or kissing the one you love. Just think about how blessed we all are to have love in our lives.......I know I am more blessed than I ever deserve to be.
I know this was the first of many hard and stressful days to come, but I have to be strong for my boys.......they need me to be strong! Strong is all I know to be sometimes. I place my faith and love in the good Lord's hands and I know He will protect all that I love and keep everyone safe. This coming fourth of July will probably be the hardest for me yet. Yes, it was hard when my brother was in Iraq, but truth is we aren't that close. It's different when it is your spouse, your better half. Just hold the ones you love and thank God that you have them...........I am starting to cry to I am going to pack some boxes and drowned my sorrow in coca cola :) I will see you all soon!!!!!!
Just a side note, Kale wasn't with us today because he stayed behind with granny and pop. He is having a wonderful time visiting with his daddy, step mother, and sister........I miss him horribly and it feels weird being here without him. Ryan and Erika have been a big help and have come through for me in the biggest way possible....thank you guys!!!