Have tissues handy.....

Make sure to watch both videos. For everyone that has checked on me the past couple of days thank you. Just please say a special prayer for Blake and I-we need some strength. As if deployment weren't enough other issues have surfaced. Thank you and Merry Christmas!

The Holidays are Here..........

And I wish I could go to bed and sleep through them. Its just not the same without Blake here. He is going to miss Elijah's first Christmas, and even though Elijah won't remember, the first Christmas is always special. Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday. I have so much to be thankful for. I was sitting here thinking today that 8 years ago I was in the hospital with Kale and mom and Stacy brought some Thanksgiving dinner to us. I look at where he is now.....wow blessed and thankful. He has beaten the odds in the past and continues to every day. After Blake left I got to mom's house and he stood up and gave me a hug. Actually the first time he has given a big squeeze hug when he wasn't sick-I'm so thankful for that. He knew just what mommy needed. I am thankful that Elijah is healthy. I never take his health for granted. True there are days, alot here lately, where I want to ring his neck for getting into stuff. I stop myself and say out loud "Thank you God for giving me a child who can get into stuff at such a young age". I am thankful I have my boys, I don't know how I would have made it this far in the deployment without him.

I am thankful for Blake. True, he works my nerves, but in his defense he is a man!! Or at least he was last time I checked ;) I sit back and read old emails of fights we had and think of the breaking up and all that crap when we were dating. There is no doubt in my mind that it was in God's plan all along for us to be together. Just in the past month we have gone from seriously thinking we weren't going to make it, to really connecting. Honestly, I never knew I could connect so deeply with someone. I am so thankful for that!! I am thankful that he and all the guys with him are safe!! Even though I don't know most of them in person, I feel that I know them because of the stories Blake has told me. I am so proud to be his wife! I am so proud of where our family is and where it is going!

I am thankful for my family! Although, living close again has made me realize I LOVE and crave my distance from them, I am still very thankful for them. For the most part they are ok people haha I am thankful that I am a stay at home mom, being able to watch my kids grow and develop. I know Elijah will have to go to daycare soon, because he is starting to get major separation anxiety-and quite frankly mommy needs a break!!! I am thankful that the new housing people on post are at least considering bumping us to the top of the list-now if we can only get a house!! I know I am very blessed in life. True I may not be the size I want to be, have the bank account I would like, but all in all I have a great life!

Last but not least I couldn't have made it this far without my friends. I have the bestest friends in the world! I am not going to name names, but 3 call me at least 4 times a week and listen to me bitch and complain!! Thats my adult conversation for the week-no really it is. This Holiday season is going to be a rough one for me, so IF I see you and don't chime out a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, please take no offense at it. I am doing my best to get into the Holiday spirit, I have to for my boys. Now when you are in the kitchen cooking and your spouse keeps saying is it ready yet or gets in your way please don't yell at him/her. Remember how blessed you are that he/she is there next to you to irritate you. I chose life as a military wife, but that doesn't make it any easier. I still miss Blake, still can't sleep without panic attacks or nightmares waking me up, BUT I put one foot in front of the other and try. So please let that be enough. Now that I am crying like a little baby I will say this-Happy Thanksgiving!! Be thankful for what you have and that we live in a free country. Say an extra prayer for all of the men and women in uniform, their families really do appreciate it.

Blake if you read this....I love you and I miss you!! I will see you in a few months. Stay safe!! 143

Since its been a month.....

I decided to grace everyone with my pressence. Before you ask, yes you should feel honored. Nothing has happened really. The boys and I had some Christmas pics taken on Sunday and I look like a bloated red skittle!!! WTF?!?! I am flippin HUGE!!!!!!! Blake is so gonna think I ate his wife, instead of being his wife. To my shock, we did get some good pictures. The boys finally calmed down and stopped screaming long enough to get some good shots. Deployment has posed its own set of issues. Getting adjusted to married life is hard enough, let alone doing it while separated by 9 thousand miles. Slowly but surely we are working through things and we will be ok(crossing fingers). I ordered us the book called The Love Dare. Its the book that Fireproof is based on, so we are both going to read it and journal and see what happens.

In the mean time I am going to keep hanging in there. Everyone is trying to help and pull strings to get me back to Ft Sill. I hope it all works and fast!! Moving back to Arkansas has been one of my biggest regrets ever. Live and learn-right?!?! The school here sucks big ones. I mean I knew it wouldn't be what we had in Lawton, but I was at least expecting Harrisburg standards.........haha yeah right. So far they have managed to lose him and break his stroller all in the same week. Yes that is right, break his 5 thousand dollar stroller I worked 5 years to get. IF I can find someone from the company to come fix it, you can best bet this woman won't be paying the bill. They broke it, they will fit it.

Kale is doing good. Not really doing anything new, but not going backwards so that is good. We are hitting the sign language hard and heavy to see if he will start using it. He lost his first tooth in Sept and the permanent one still hasn't come in yet. Elijah is now pulling up and has his 2 front bottom teeth. His 2 front top teeth are poking through so they will be completley in before long-I hope. Thats right RK, you are being shown up by a 9 month old!!

Blake is now SGT!!!! He got promoted on Nov 1 and I am so proud of him. He worked hard and it has paid off. Now that he is SGT there is even less time for us to communicate, but that is the price you pay. I was always raised with the thinking of family first no matter what. Now that I married into the military, its a whole new way of thinking. The Army comes first now, especially during deployment and honestly its a swift kick in the ego. I'm like who does this Army bitch think she is?? So my new name is Mistress Lindsey. Sounds like a stripper name and extra money doesn't hurt :)

Other than that nothing much has been going on. Just trying to keep busy so time flies. Just taking everything one day at a time and trying to handle everything myself. Last thing I want to do is worry Blake with things. Crap with us is strained enough without me adding every day worries to it. Just in a nasty funk again. My blood work is still funky and my thyroid is still not regulated. Dr says rest more and don't stress!! What's that?? Is she serious?? Well I am going to bed now........doctor's orders. Well it is after midnight. 143

Blah blah blah

Its me again. Its been almost a month so I thought I would bless everyone with a new blog. Seriously I don't know how Stacy does it. She tells me of all these sewing adventures, then Bunko, soccer, and still has time to blog-and she has a job.......So help a sista out!! Share your secret!! Hell I am doing good if I get to take a shower without rushing........I just don't know how yall do it. So whats new here. Kale had school pictures made and we got them back the other day. I must say he got his Granny's photogenic quality-which is none. They both either have their eyes closed, look drunk, or look high. Oh well. He is doing good in school and we-meaning I- am hitting the sign language hard and heavy. They said a couple weeks ago he said more and eat, but he hasn't done it for me. He is of course teaching Elijah how to get into EVERYTHING!!!! Elijah is doing well. He isn't crawling yet he does the Army crawl as we call it. He can scoot fast though. He is jabbering with bububababubu and mamamamamama and dadadadadada. He also started dancing the other day which is so funny. Between the fights over toys and sippy cups they keep me pretty busy. I actually had the first session of me time since Blake has been gone, well other than going out to birthday dinner but I caught hell over that so that doesn't count. My bff Tracy had a passion party and after that some of us girls went out for drinks and dancing. It was a much needed break!! So, I'm good for at least 3 more months.

Blake is doing well. He got his promotable status which means he will be SGT soon and I am so proud of him. His hard work is finally starting to pay off. He reupped for 6 more years, so we will be at Ft Sill at least a year after he gets back. After that who knows, we may stay and we may go. We are both just ready for deployment to be over with, only about 9 more months!!!! I enjoy trying to find fun things to send over there. I have some Halloween goodie bags that I will be sending this week and then I will start thinking about Christmas goodie bags. I know I know its early, but there are alot of guys so I gotta get started. This semester of school is going so much better than last semester-thank God!!

This weekend has been one of pure, downright boredom. I sit and wonder where everyone that said, come back to Arkansas so we can spend time with you and the boys suddenly went. Um hello, we are here and everyone disappears. Lesson learned! Next deployment I will stay put-screw this! As soon as a house opens up on post, and hopefully thats soon, we will head back to Okie.....until then I will just bide my time here in Hillbillyville. I guess that is about all that has gone on with us. I know its so exciting!!! haha Oh there was excitement this month. On Oct 3rd a brand new, shiny, pink Dell laptop was delivered to my door-complete with matching bag and mouse-courtesy of my husband. Surprise for me!! I mean he doesn't know how to send flowers but he sure knows how to pick out a laptop-not too shabby!! So, of course, he has major brownie points-hell he has a whole pan of brownies. Well I guess I will leave you with something I stole from a friends page, or as they say in the Army I acquired it :) Blake we love you and miss you!! Hurry home!! 143

I'm not the perfect Army wife. The deployments sometimes get to me and there are times where nothing seems to go right when he is gone. I think about how wonderful it would be to have my soldier home all of the time. There are times when he is home I push him away so it doesn't hurt so bad when he leaves again. At night I cry cause I can no longer handle trying to stay strong. There are times where I feel like walking away from this life I built, but when I stop and think about it I remember just how much I love my man and I am proud to be an army wife.

Trace Adkins Is In The House

So today was the usual, dull day around here. Took Kale to school, came back home, went to the post office, picked Kale up, and then home again. Kale got scratched at school today by another little boy. It's not too bad, I mean no blood or anything, I'm just glad Kale didn't grab a handful of hair when the kid scratched him. I am sure he thought about it and probably even tried it. When I picked him up the teacher was showing me the scratch and explaining what had happened and I asked Kale if he was ok....he looked up at me as if saying mom you should have seen the other guy haha Kale's a tough cookie I am sure he will be fine, but just to be sure I put some triple antibiotic cream on it after his bath. Elijah is cutting his first tooth. Last Thursday morning he was chewing on granny's finger and she felt it. Now you can see it and its growing fast!! He hasn't been fussy or anything with it(bangin on wood) so hopefully it will come in ok. He is cooing and I am thinking he will be talking before long. I have him saying mmmmm after he takes a bite of food and he is screeching at the top of his lungs. Not crawling just scooting on his belly but is trying to pull up. Maybe he thinks crawling is a waste of time and wants to grow straight to walking-who knows.

To explain the headline for today's post. I chatted online with Blake for a bit today. I knew he was excited about something because he was more talky than normal. When I asked him what was up he said I met Trace Adkins today. My first thought was BITCH. Then I was like huh. He said Trace had come to sing for them and then sat around and chatted, took pictures, and signed autographs for them. He told them that he watched him on Glenn Beck a couple months back, of course that credit goes to me cause I made him watch it cause I'm addicted to that show. Anyways he sounded up beat and it was refreshing to hear him excited about something. It also warmed my heart that Trace Adkins would take time to sit and relax with the guys before leaving........I think that meant more to them than anything. Other than that Blake is doing good. He goes to the board next week to see if he can get promoted so everyone say an extra prayer for us. He has been studying and working his butt off, he really deserves it. He got a good conduct medal a couple of weeks ago, BUT just told me about it yesterday cause as he says its no big deal. To which I replied a medal is a medal in my book. Hopefully he won't get too flustered at boards, it can be intimidating, and will be passed up to SGT. I mean I was reading the study guide for this crap and there is even a certain way you have to enter the room!!! You have to know alot of crap and no cheat sheets allowed. Anyhow that is about all that is going on around here.......

Brooks will be in town the end of this week, bu t will be golfing, and then I will be up here while he is at mom and dad's so I prolly won't get to see him. I think that sucks big time cause Elijah hasn't even gotten to meet him yet and I really want him to wear his bibs Brooks and Supy got him so he can see how cute he looks in them.....oh well. Maybe next time huh. Well I am going to do some studying then off to bed. 143

First Visit From The Tooth Fairy

So yesterday Kale went to the dentist for a check up. While the chick was cleaning his teeth she mentioned how loose one was and how the dentist may want to pull it cause it was hanging there. Well about that time she started polishing that tooth and out it popped. Kale screamed, blood gushed, and a tooth went flying.....after I realized he was fine I thought wow she prolly just saved me a hundred bucks by the dentist not having to pull it.....bad mommy. So other than that his teeth are healthy and his other front tooth is loose and will be next. How that kid has healthy teeth I will never know, nor will I complain about it. I can barely brush his teeth, let alone for the 2 minutes they recommend. So, even though we waited 2 1/2 hours to get called back Kale did well. There were kids kicking, screaming, yelling, crying, and Kale looked at them like whats the big deal. For some reason he fights for me to brush his teeth, but when we go to the dentist he just lays there and opens his mouth, seriously he does. I think he fights me to make my life hard :) The tooth fairy; being the brilliant, awesome, beautiful, person she is left him three dollars :)

Elijah is doing good and finally gaining weight. He took a bath the other night with Ruby Kate, which I am sure scarred him for life hehe They look like Ebony and Ivory, poor white kid. After the bath he and RK fought over the passy and dug through the diaper bag.....(I will get pictures of all this posted soon but my computer is being stupid!)

Things with Blake and I are going ok. Hopefully the adjustment period is about to be over with. I tell you I am going to ask for a raise!!! Being a wife is hard stuff!!! And me biting my tongue is even harder!!! I just keep telling myself one day at a time and that I am where God wants me to be. Blake knows he is going to re-up but doesn't know if he wants to stay at Ft Sill or go to Ft Sam Houston(San Antonio, TX). For selfish reasons I would like to stay at Sill. I finally have friends there, the schools are awesome, and it would be easier setting up shop there. BUT Ft Sam Houston is a medic's dream post. I so want him to get it, but it is hard to get assigned there. So who knows where we will end up.....I don't care as long as we are all together. This week will hold more of the same.....school, grocery shopping, and playing with the boys. Friday is Kale's birthday!!! I can't believe he will be 8!!! It doesn't seem possible!!! His dad, stepmother, and sister are going to come see him and we are going to party!!!! So, that should be fun, right?!?! I guess that is about all.....not much to blog about really. Maybe one day I will be able to blog about the end of the deployment....ooohhhh I can't wait!!! I'm off to cook some dinner and then have bath time for the boys. Peace out!!! 143

Catch Up!

Well since it has been 20 forevers since I wrote a blog I thought I would make an appearance. Nothing has been going on around here. Last week was hell on wheels and this week is shaping up to be the same way. I am going stir crazy in hickville, but what can ya do. Blake is doing ok and hopefully will be home for R&R in a couple months. We desperately need the R&R to get here. Seems we will have a couple good days and the a bad two weeks and then repeat the process all over again. I am about to the end of my rope-I don't know what to do. Every time I try venting I hear well cut him some slack he is stressed out. Yes, he is and I understand that, but in my own defense I am a little on the stressed side. Its starting to seriously mess with my mind, body, and soul. The stupid bitch Aunt Flo is making her appearance twice a month and bringing Uncle Cramp with her both times!!! UGH!!!! So the past week I have been accused of only thinking of myself. Maybe I do.....I wonder what would happen if I started thinking only of myslef. Lunches wouldn't be packed, clothes wouldn't be washed, babies wouldn't get fed, and care packages wouldn't get sent. I'm not trying to say I am all that and a bag of skittles, but come on a little credit. I do, however, think of myself when I go get my nails did and eyebrows waxed.....I don't want to look like Bert.

I find myself wondering why all of this is happening and what is to come of everything. I know God has a reason for everything, but come on a little slack wouldn't kill ya! Even though it may not be apparent to most people, my husband included, I am doing the best that I can! I know those same people think I am too weak to make it through this, BUT the people that know me know different. Someone tells me I can't do something and I make sure I accomplish it if for nothing else than to piss them off......that's the bitch coming out in me. Its been 2 months since Blake left and I still find myself waking up reaching for him. Stupid me woke up the other day at 6 reaching for him and thought oh he is just gone to PT. I sat there a minute and said Lindsey you are loosing it!! Maybe I am. I take pride in my role as a wife and mother, and I find myself not being able to be a wife. Yes, I still have the title, but none of the responsibilities. I can't cook for him, make sure he has uniforms to wear, laugh at him and with him.......I miss him terribly and often times I wonder if he feels the same way.

I look down at the boys and watch them play and thank God for my healthy family. True most people don't consider Kale healthy, but compared to where he has been he is the picture of perfection to me. Elijah, bless his heart, is still a runt. He is starting to get some thighs on him and a little belly, but I wonder what the next step will be if he isn't gaining weight. Not to worry, I am gaining enough for both of us! Kale is doing well in school so far and he seems to like it.

I don't know what the rest of the deployment has in store for us. All I can do is hope for the best and keep truckin' along. So, at the end of the day I put my faith in God knowing that he will lead me down the right path. I keep telling myself I am where God wants me to be. I try to see the good in every bad day, wondering what I can learn from that day. When I find myself lost and not knowing where I fit in, I look at my boys and it all makes since. I have to keep pushing along, not for me, but for them. Me sitting here crying itsn't helping anyone, most of all them. So, I pick myself up, dust myself on, put a smile on my face, and take on the world head on. So everyone and I meane EVERYONE know that I really am doing my best, the best I know how. Maybe one day someone will see that. Until then......................................................................143

Does Size Matter????

So, does size really matter?? According to pediatricians it does. I took the boys to the doctor yesterday and my little runt Elijah has fallen off of the growth chart. Not in the 1%, I mean 0%. At his 4 month check up he was 25.25 inches in length and 12lbs 12oz in weight. Well yesterday at his 6 month he was 26in and 13lbs 3 1/2 oz hmmmmm. My poor runt. So, since he can't eat more than 4 ounces at a time without you wearing it, Dr Sneed put us on double strength formula. She thinks he is so active that he is burning off everything he is eating. So we will try that and go back for a weight check in a few weeks. We also checked his thyroid function, because I didn't want it to go unlooked at like Kale's did thanks to ACH, and since we were getting blood any how we went ahead and did a full blood work up on Elijah. I know you are thinking we are stressing too much over the weight, but last time I had a child fall off the growth chart, that is when all hell broke loose. So we want to make sure we cover our basis here.
Kale on the other hand is a picture of health. He had grown and couple inches and lost 3 pounds. I thought he had and this confirms it. All of that walking around and the nutritionist suggestions are paying off. A nutritionist that works at the hospital with mom was nice enough to draw us up a meal plan of sorts for Kale. She even put it into English so that I can understand it, because nutritionist talk is like a whole different language than regular medical jargon. Kale showed off his walking skills to Dr Sneed, and she about cried. Everyone's hard work, most of all Kale's, is starting to pay off.......now if we could just get him to talk. We also did blood work on Kale just to make sure none of his meds need adjusting and got referrals for the dentist and eye doctor.
Thats about all that has been going on around here. Oh yeah. Mom and dad had a new air unit put in. So we are thinking cool sailing....um not so much. They didn't have a part to finish it so we had no air last night. Every single time we come down to mom and dad's their air messes up, maybe I am cursed. It got cool in here about midnight or so, but I hope they come to finish it today. Well that is about all from here. Blake is on his way to a different FOB in Iraq and should be there tomorrow morning his time, late tonight our time. He was suppose to already be there but they had a sand storm so that put them back a day or so. I guess that is about it. I will feed my runt again and try to get him fat. Peace out homies!

Sad Face

Dear Deployment,
I HATE YOU!!!!!

Insomnia Bites!!!!

So why am I not sleeping?? I haven't slept more than 2 or 3 hours a night in weeks!!!! Crazy thing is I don't feel tired. I know at some point I will burn out, because I am getting too old for this. Today was a very productive day for me. I actually got caught up on school work, made eye appointments for Kale and I, dentist appointment for me, registered with a Pharmacy, did laundry, and just got done cleaning the kitchen. Yes that is how exciting my life is, doing dishes at midnight! I like to keep the excitement to a minimum wouldn't want anyone to have heart palpitations on me. :) Other than that nothing else has been happening around the Brietz household. While in seminar tonight I did learn about STD's. Bottom line: wear a hat when traveling!!! And we also learned how they put in penile extensions. Why I have to know that to type up medical records I don't know, but hey I could have me a job on the side......I could call it Lindsey's Slice Shop. Kinda catchy I think! OK this blog is going absolutely nowhere so I guess I will stop there. Blake stay safe! Miss you and love you!!!

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Getting In a Groove

Well it has been a little over a month now since Blake left for Iraq. Slowly, but surely, the boys and I are getting in a groove. Yes some days I want to pull my hair out!!! Some days I wish I could just go shopping and come home when I want to. That being said I wouldn't change anything! In a weird kind of way I think this deployment will not only strengthen our marriage, but our family in general. When you only get to talk for a short time it forces you to have communication. And since I can't give Blake go to hell looks I have to use my words haha. Its true that you don't know what you've got until its gone. I keep myself busy so as to not break down, but there are days when the boys are in bed and the house is quiet I sit down and just cry a little bit. Instead of it getting easier to sleep, its getting harder. I have tried putting pillows on Blake's side of the bed, but its just not working. I make sure to talk about him daily to the boys and show them pictures of him, its the best I can do for now. It gets lonely, very lonely. A HUGE part of me is kicking myself in the ass for moving back to Arkansas. Yes, it took me forever to get adjusted to Oklahoma life, that place is like a different country haha. It's just weird, I don't know how to explain it.
In other Blake news.....he found out today that he will be moving to a different FOB. So, if I gave you his address don't send anything until you get a new address from me. He should be leaving for his new FOB in the next week or so. He is doing fine, just missing home. But have you seen me lately?? Sexy as hell I am, I mean who wouldn't miss me haha Just kidding there and everyone knows it.
The boys are both doing fine. Kale is getting ready to start another school year and I don't think he is too excited about it. Elijah is growing like a weed!! He is so flippin funny!! He and Kale had their first "discussion" over a toy the other day, I must admit I just sat back and laughed.
I must apologize to everyone. I know this past month I have been in a "funk". Its just been really hard, but it is getting a little better. I keep telling myself 1 month down only 11-14 more to go! Blake and I are looking into taking a trip, just for us, when he gets back. Right now my fav is St. Lucia!!! SO if anyone has any ideas on a nice, romantic place please let me know. I said we could just go to Hot Springs and stay at a B & B or something. To which my husband replied, "I be damned if I spend a year in this hell hole to go to Hot Springs." So, he twisted my arm, and I am looking at other places. Well I guess that is about all for now. Blake the boys and I love you and miss you!! Please stay safe!! 143

Finally here! How it's been. Part 3 of 3

Well, after all of us left ali al-salem; each with our own section. we were divided up into 2 major sections, each having a HQ and 3-4 force protection units a piece. It is no secret what we are here for, but I will not always be going into specifics. Lets just say our guys work long shifts and help protect the base. After leaving Camp V, we went to Ali to depart our separate ways.

the first day in country, we had a bad dust storm. Little did i know that weather would play a big role in my upcoming job. I went in to get linins and a room when I was told that I would be the armorer and mail handler, on top of whatever it was I was going to do. My job...my MOS, well, i don't even mess with it here. It isn't needed.

So, for now, with one month in country and a paycheck or two under my belt, things are fine. I saved up and got a TV and a small fridge. I have my lappy-top and enough legit and black market DVD's to last me a while. I managed to find something better than a expensive ass calling card, called SPAWAR. I have also recieved 2 boxes from Lin. I love all the mail I get, though I dont get alot. We all do. send more please..:-)

I don't work out as much as i should, and a smoke more than i should. I dream of my wife and kids, and of seeing the world. I have managed to get in trouble a time or two for silly things, but I am getting better at my job and at life. I miss some of the guys i hung out with alot, and I enjoy some of the others.

My level of respect and admiration has went down for quite a few of our batteries important people, while it has went up for a few of some of the joes like myself. All in all, I am here to get paid and get promoted. Just like any other guy. I dont care about Iraq, or anything like that. I care about my guys, and anyone else in uniform. They are all that matters for now. The medic in me cares for peoples well-being.

I am finding I need to be more of a man: more confrontational, more vocal, more of a leader, ect.
I am not alot of those things. I suck at speaking....I tend to be low key. basicly, I need to change alot of myself and quit being afraid.

If any of you have questions about what all I do, what it is like over here...I mean anything!
Send Lin an email or just post them here. She will make sure I see them and answer them.
In the mean, when things happen (excluding opsec stuff and deaths), I'll post them here.
laters!

Time to Play Catch Up!!

what was left of my cake.....
RK....poor girl looks more like her daddy every day
loves.....but i have to wonder why stacy lets her daughter tan....

surprise to me!!!
Good eating...l to r: steph, aunt kevin, tracy, me, amber, and stacy
Elijah having his first bitter biscuit....he loves those things!!
Kale playing in the sprinkler....
using it as a water fountain

So the last time I left you on the Brietz saga it was about to be my birthday. My sis in law and my bff Tracy arranged a dinner for me. I was lured there under false pretenses and forced to have a good time, charges are pending. We all ate til we popped and had a great time visiting. We listened to the convo going on at the next table and learned those guys took every cheerleader at their school to prom, think revenge of the nerds....it was funny guess you just had to be there. OK all of that was on Tuesday night. Wednesday nothing much happened just a typical day. Thursday was my 27th birthday......I know what you are thinking you don't look a day over 25-I know I look good and without Botox :) We hippos are just good like that, I'm quite sure its all of the mud baths. As many of you may or may not know my birthday is a bittersweet day. My best friend Jane passed away 7/24/99, yes that is right my 18th brithday. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and on this day it just doubles. As usual her mom called to wish me a happy birthday and we talked about Jane and cried as we normally do. In a way I think she feels guilty for Jane passing on my birthday, but its something that was out of their control. I look at it like this, I think it is a way that we will always be connected. I know there are days that I don't get through the day without her pushing me......I know you are thinking psycho, but I feel her presence all of the time. Like when I smell her perfume, or hear a certain song.........I miss her so much!!! I wish she were here. I know I will see her again some day. Today the boys and I hung out at the house. Stacy and the kids came by for a visit and we watched as RK and Elijah checked each other out. They are so funny, not to mention the fact they look like ebony and ivory-the picture will explain it all. This evening the boys and I loaded up and went to mama shelia and papa joey's house. They always have a great time out there and I tell you I needed this visit with them. They are so awesome to me!!! They are second parents when I need a kick in the ass and best friends when I need to talk-I am very blessed to have them and their family in my life. We ate and ate and then talked and then ate. I tell you next week I am going back to good eating habits and to tae-bo......I dread it but I have gained 3 pounds since Blake left and it stops here!!!!! Anywho that is what has been going on with me.....oh wait back to my birthday. OK all night we had been telling Kale to come eat some cake. So I was getting Elijah ready for his bath when I hear a crash in the kitchen. I run to see what is going on and Kale had thrown the white cake in the floor :( I didn't know whether to laugh or cry so I just laughed......he came and got some cake alright. Ok so now for some pics. Blake I miss you and love you!!! Come home soon!!!

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Pictures from today!!

elijah showing off his spidey pj's
keelee jo.....adorable
this is such a good picture........if mom would only learn to keep her eyes open!
don't know what i am saying but steph is looking at me like i am stupid
kale and granny's self portrait

Back from my little hiatus.........

Well the boys and I haven't been doing too much since my last blog. Long story short, we are staying in Arkansas for now :( I am trying to take it in stride and tell myself everything fell apart for a reason. I find myself repeating, I am where God wants me to be.....some days it works and some days not so much. Blake is doing ok. Just real tired from being spread so thin at work. Gosh I miss him!!! Yesterday Mom came up to stay the night and visit with us. While she was here I took advantage and went to town for my weekly trip. I got my nails did and also stopped and got some goodies to send to Iraq to Blake, his roomie, and our adopt a soldier. If you haven't adopted one yet please visit adoptaussoldier.org and get one. All you do is register and then in a couple of days they send you a soldiers name and address. I mean come on it is the least we can do, plus if you go to the post office and let them know you are sending it to a soldier in Iraq they will cut you a deal.....you think you are hot in Arkansas heat, Blake told me it has been 115 during the day there. Anywho.......I got back from my weekly excursion and packed boxes and played with the boys. Daddy got here shortly after that and we just all kind of sat around and chilled. Today we all went to Memaw's house for Little Granny's 98th, yes that's right I said 98th, birthday. We all had a good time getting caught up on everyone's lives, cause we know mine is EXCITING and everyone wants to know about it. Aunt Mary, Memaw's sister, and her daughter Beth got to come up from Alabama. They haven't been here in a good long while. We all sat around talking and doing what we do best, eating. I finally got to meet Steph's baby girl Keelee Jo, I hope I spelled it right. I must say she told me that I am her very favorite, can you blame her. So while there we took advantage of the oportunity and took some 5 generation pictures. Granted mom either looks drunk or high in ours, but we took them anyway. While we were there Kale showed off his walking and Elijah did the whole cute baby thing. I must say I am a little worried about my oldest bro. He hasn't been feeling too well and I hope he takes mom's advice and just takes it easy for a few days, he deserves it. I mean health first, no matter what. I know that when Blake is sick I take the kids and close him up in the room so that he can rest.....rest can do a sickly person alot of good. I cancel all plans, like I ever have any, and just tend to him and the boys. True some people may say I baby him, but he returns the favor. I can't tell you how many times he has taken care of me. When I was pregnant with Elijah and would be ordered to rest he did everything in his power to make me rest, even got up with Kale and let me sleep. We take care of each other like that and that is one of the things I love most about our marriage. Anyhow hopefully Christopher will get to feeling better soon and hopefully all he needs is some good relaxing rest. Anywho I will get to posting pictures from today and all that jazz. Blake stay safe and get some rest. The boys and I miss you so very very much!!!!

143

Short and Sweet

I only got 2 hours of sleep last night and my eyes hurt from studying so this is going to be short and sweet. Today sucked ass. I got my feelings hurt and said that I did and then it went to shit from there. It's like it is an unspoken rule that I have to be the strong one. Its days like today that I am left thinking what if I need holding up every once in a while.......that doesn't mean that it is woe is me that is me saying I am human. I know I am super hippo and all but even I need help sometimes. I am going to bed early tonight, I know sad that 2300 is early, but it is, and I will hope and pray that tomorrow is better. Stay safe Blake!!! 143

The journey continues...

part 2
so, last I left you, I was in the Nova Scotia wanna-be land of NEWFOUNDLAND. (yes, they all speak in ALLCAPS over there. it's for dramatic "army wives" effect, you know.)

an aside if you will - every FRG's favorite show, "army wives" is often close to army reality, yet often strays away from it and does things for dramatic effect that I think are hilarious. Yes, my wife makes me watch, but she'll deny it.

So, we fly from there to Iceland of all places. I slept through that whole ordeal, but i remember people bitching because it is, get this, illegal to smoke ciggarettes there! WTF?
I ain't sure, but who cares, right?

Now the long leg of the flight. Next stop, Hungary's Buddapest Int. Airport. All the guys agreed after seeing the local women the name should be changed to bootyfest. That freaking place was some kind of expensive! For a apple dessert looking thing and a ginger ale, it was $10.00!
The exchange rate was $1 for 140 (whatever hungarian monopoly money is called).
THEN add the city mall like inflation. How do they buy anything in that place?

After the short layover, we head for "hot-ass" Kuwait. We touch down in Ali Al-Salem and move our bags from bus to bus to bus to truck to bus to bus with no rest, food, anything. (never mind the long-ass bus ride in which I was an armed escort) I throw my back out in the process of all of this. We get there, get a lame-ass brief that doesnt apply to us, then we think we are gonna get our beds. WRONG. We get shiped to Camp Virginia, AKA The Sandbox that sucks! Everything is a good 5 minutes of walking away, except the porta-johns and the showers. Thank God! While I think this place sucks, I will be proven wrong by BALAD, which doesnt have half the facilities of Virginia OR Ali Al-Salem. I paid 5 bucks an hour (!) for internet and didn't bitch like I did once I seen the free lines in JBB (for short)

I am gonna stop this part of the journey leaving you in Camp Virginia, awaiting the orders for Ali Al-salem and the next stop of JBB.

Thats all for now!
love,
Blake

Happy Anniversary to Me and Blake!!!

So today was our 1 year anniversary. I was an emotional wreck all day long. It sucks being so far apart, and it adds to it to think that you won't be able to celebrate together until your 3rd. BUT I didn't let that keep me down for long, after all my boys need me! So today the boys and I went to see Memaw and Little Granny. Elijah talked up a storm, while Kale walked all over the house. So when I get home Heather calls and said that the ladies at the FRG meeting were saying that I didn't need to move into the house we were offered because it was small....tuna can small. So Heather, being the AWESOME person she is, drives over to check it out for me. She gets there to find the house empty and unlocked so she being the rebel she is let herself in. Well lets just say that I am calling the housing people on Monday and telling them I don't want it. I am going to stick to my guns that I want in patriot estates and that is that. If I have to wait a little longer so be it. SGT Mims knows what is going on and how much trouble I have had and he is going to help me out. HOPEFULLY it will work out. Other than that I just wrote out some bills and played with the boys. I put off cleaning yet again, but I will finish it up tomorrow. Well I guess that is about it. Blake if you are reading this HAPPY ANNIVERSARY once again!! I miss you!!! Stay safe!!! 143

So, how have I been? The other half speaks!

part 1
I'll try to fill in the blanks from that fateful day of 1 July 08 until now. It has been a long journey until now. I flew from Lawton, OK to some Podunk town in Illinois. We landed there and the layover was about 2 hours. all I remember was that the can cokes in the machine cost 50 cents. SWEET! From there, we went to NEWFOUNDLAND?! (did i spell it right?) It is pronounced "new fin lind" i think, and it is really pretty! They have alot duck hunting inspired town names like Goose Bay (where we were) and Labrador. There wasn't crap at the landing strip but a small office, but i remember the grey overcast sky, the long rows of trees on the horizon, and the greenest grass I have ever seen. I want to take Lin there for a second honeymoon or vacation. The might not be alot there, but I think i could come up with things to do (and places to do them).
More Later.
My time is up :-(

My Brain Hurts

Well today was full of imformation and its all stuffed into my head...making it hurt. Bright and early this morning I called the housing office once again, ready to give them a piece of my mind. To my shock we got an offer on a house!!! I about had a heart attack right then and there!!! We move in on or before August 1st. Get ready Heather I'm coming back to you!!!! haha So now that the housing situation is settled all I have to do is get the boys, me, our clothes, and their toys out there. It will be hard and stressfull, but I fully believe it will be worth it. Kale will start school on August 15th and I am so excited. They did such an awesome job with him the past school year I can't wait to see what this year has in store for him. I am on my way to achieving my goal of having the housing set up and running smoothly for Blake when he returns. That is the one thing I want to do for him. I know you think it sounds small, but when you come back from over there it takes you a little bit to get into the swing of things. So, I am thinking, if all he has to do it walk through the door and sit on the couch that will make the transition on him easier. Honestly, its the least that I can do. I am excited to go back. I have started making friends out there!! The once absent from my life FRG has come through big time. They really are showing me that it truly is a support system.....afterall we are all going through the same thing. I will be honest I am a little scared about going back there, but I am going to take this leap of faith. I am going to trust my gut, trust myself, and most of all trust the Lord. I know I can do this. I still have those days where I think I won't make it, but I know I can......I'm a fighter!! Anyone who knows the story of me and Blake knows I am a fighter. So now that the housing seems to be straightened out I am allowing myself to be cautiously optimistic. After all I know how the Army can be, things can change at the last minute. Having Blake's support in all of this helps more than I can say. He keeps telling me I trust whatever decision you make. I can't help but feel if I do this and fall flat on my ass he will still love me. I'm not so sure that Fort Sill is ready for both Heather and I, but they better get ready cause here we come :) That out of they way.....Can someone please tell me why we have 5 million dollars worth of toys and my kids want to play with pringle cans??? I swear I didn't do crack while I was pregnant with any of them haha I say they got it from their daddys. I have learned that my Medical Terminology class is going to be HARD!! My teacher grades HARD!! I hope I can do it!! Well other than that things were pretty normal today.....I didn't get to talk to Blake for very long which makes me sad, but at least I know he is ok! On a sadder note...My friend Elida, she was my very first Army Wife friend, had her baby 3 months ago and he wasn't due until this month. He came home about 3 weeks ago I guess and was doing great! She returned home from work this morning and went to check on him and we had passed away in his sleep. They don't really know what happened. I am guessing with as small and premature as he was that maybe it was SIDS.....But that is just me guessing. So when you say your prayers tonight please send up a special one for Elida and Gene Martiny. They live in Ft. Gordon, Georgia right now. She has been so good to me and helped me through my crazy pregnant days. I can't even imagine loosing a child and I don't know how to help her other than to be here to listen and to pray for her. Well I guess that is about it. I'm going to fold clothes and then off to bed. Blake stay safe!!! The boys miss you and love you!!! 143

Just Another Ordinary Day

Today was just another ordiary day. Another day of calling housing at Fort Sill only to have them not call me back. Seems like we will never get a house on post. I just want to get a house on post before Blake returns. Kale is walking more and more every day and is even trying to go from a sitting position on the floor to standing up. YAY!!! Go Kale!!! Elijah is just babbling away and rolling over more. People have told me that he is starting to look like me more, but honestly I just don't see it. It has rained almost all day today which made me want to sleep in, but the boys had other plans. A clap of thunder around 0600 woke them both. Sleeping in is just not what life has in store for me....oh well. Seems that a couple of my blogs have ruffeled a few feathers and that is not what I am trying to do. I am just trying to get my thoughts out so that my mind isn't racing when I try to lay down and rest. Actually it seems to be helping a little. I got to chat with Blake for a little bit today and he is doing ok. They changed his job, which we both knew could happen. It is a job with more responsibilty and a potential to advance him in ranks. I know he will do a wonderfull job. I know I am biased, but he is so detail orientented that I think this suits him. He's not like me with fly by the seat of your pants, he pays very close attention to detail. We balance each other out nicely. While the boys napped today I looked through some of our chat logs from his last deployment. Hard to believe it has been 2 years since we started on our journey. Reading through those made me fall for him all over again in a sense. I realized yet again how far we have come and how many obstacles we have faced, but we have made it this far and will continue to make it. Yes before you ask I should have been studying, but oh well it was fun none the less. I keep trying to think of a creative anniversary present for him. I know the first anniversary is suppose to be paper, traditionaly, but I just don't know what to do. I am thinking about making a scrapbook of things that are going on with the kids while he is gone, but that won't be finished for some time. I thought about sending him Charmin, but I didn't know if he would see the humor.....I don't know that men know that the 1st anniversary is suppose to be paper. I will just be happy that he remembers :) If anyone has any creative ideas let me know. I got down today when I was thinking about our anniversary. I realized that we won't be together for our 1st or 2nd.....but then I thought maybe for our 3rd we could take a trip-just us. It makes me laugh when I think about anniversary presents. In the past I always said I would never get married. I never thought I would meet someone that I would actually want to spend the rest of my life with. I thought that would be boring. Man was I wrong. I was blessed enough to find my better half. He balances me out in so many ways. Yes, we have our "discussions" but who doesn't. I will admit I tend to remind him that I have admitted I was wrong twice, so far, since we have been together.....hey ya gotta start somewhere right?? I truly believe that I am one of the luckiest, most blessed people on Earth. I have 2 handsome boys and a beautiful step-daughter and a wonderful husband...not to mention a great family all the way around. Yes, they get on my nerves at times, but I love them anyway. My friends, they aren't too shabby either haha Seriously my friends are AWESOME! Well I guess I will stop blabbing and go get my butt in the shower. Hope everyone had a good day. Blake, if you read this I miss you and stay safe......143

Exhaustion

Well today was ok I guess-just a normal day. I played with the boys, did a little cleaning, and the went to Aunt Jamie's for dinner. I learned a couple of days ago from Blake that I have a reputation with the Army guys. I'm the mean Army Wife. I will admitt I can be a bitch, but only when provoked. I can be your best friend or worst enemy; the choice is yours. So far he has been asked why he married me and is he going to cheat on me while he is over there. hhhmmmmmm All I have to say is that I do trust him, but I hate that he is surrounded by guys that put that garbage in his head. I mean for once I have done nothing to them. Hell I took up for one of the guys that has said this stuff, see if I take up for him again. Stupid me I thought they had better things to do in Iraq than this stupid High School crap!!! And about the cheating, all I have to say is-Power of Attorney :) I just don't appreciate people saying shit about me when they don't even know me. Normally I wouldn't care, but these are the guys that are suppose to have my husband's back. A few weeks ago Blake and I were talking about a similar situation when I told him something along the lines of I want to meet just one Army person that isn't the stereotype drama filled, shit starter. Lo and behold I did.......Nik and Heather aren't like that. But they are the only ones that I know of, so far......uuugggghhhhh and I thought getting out of the ER would stop the stupid drama-silly me. Well that is my rant for the day. I am going to try and get some rest while I have the chance-the boys will be up soon cause they can't be letting mom get too much sleep...........143

I Can't Think of a Catchy Title

Well nothing much happened today. The boys and I got up this morning and got packed and came up to the house in Cherokee Village, our home until further notice. On the way up here Blake called, which was AWESOME!!!! That is only the second time I have heard his voice since he left. He said one of the guys asked him why he married me. Blake puzzled said why do you ask that and the guy said she is mean isn't she. haha Me??? Mean??? I am the nicest person you will ever meet until you piss me off. That's how good I am, I have a reputation half way around the world haha Blake said he thought he had me mixed up with another wife. Oh well, let them think what they want, doesn't bother me. The way I look at it is if they are saying that about me then they are giving someone else a break haha Even though we are here in Cherokee and getting settled in I still have some unpacking to do. I have been living out of a suitcase for almost 4 weeks and it feels good to be able to put my clothes in drawers again. Well that is about all for now.....I'm exhausted, the boys didn't let me sleep much last night only about 3 hours. More later..........I miss you Blakeapotamus 143 Stay safe!!!

Scedule....WTF is That??

So today was a lonely day for me for some reason. The day started early as usual for me. And around mom and dads house that usually means with a good bickering. I wake up to tell mom happy birthday to which she replies with a yell about something not being done right......I look at dad and say well this is going to be a fun day and he just laughed. So we get ready to go out to Chris and Stacy's for a get together to celebrate mom's birthday...........I got the boys ready and sat down at the computer, where much to my delite Blake was online!!! YAY!!!! Of course all of the fussing that was going on was making me miss him even more!!! We just had our normal talk and of course as we were saying our goodbyes I started to tear up. I started crying for no reason at all. I was missing him, Oklahoma, stressed out, and tired of being told how to live my life.....so of course mom walks in and sees me crying and asked me what was wrong. I told her nothing and of course she pressed and pressed on and I said nothing I was just missing Blake and worried about him......for some reason this set her off. She went on about how I just needed to get over it...............I understand I need to get the kids in a routine, but last time I checked my husband was in a war zone. Excuse the hell out of me for being a little emotional......so needless to say that pissed me off. That is one of the main reasons I want to move back to OK, people there know what you are going through they don't here, and plus I feel closer to Blake there. I know its noone's fault that they can't relate to me, but hells bells let me be emotional if I need to be. I thought we would be in the house in Cherokee Village by now, but things keep getting in the way. I am so ready to get the kids settled and get in a routine, after all the have been drug around enough. Hopefully tomorrow morning we will head up there and see what we can do about a routine. Today was just a pissy day all around and Elijah is becoming impossible to get to sleep at night. He is use to his daddy putting him to bed, he has been screaming for 2 hours straight and now he is in his bed screaming......I'm about to pull my hair out I don't know what to do for him. Well I guess that is about it.....hopefully tomorrow will be a better day than today.......I will try not to cry so I don't offend anybody......143

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!

So not much happened today.....I agree with Stacy. This is the first time in my life that I have done nothing for the fourth of july. With Blake being gone I think it would have been too emotional for me. Plus mom worked and with Little Granny being in the hospital this week, I didn't think they would be up for company. I tried to get Kale and Elijah to do some sparkelers but they weren't interested.......hhhmmmm maybe they would have preferred bottle rockets. I got to chat with Blake online twice today, and Elijah even got to see him on web cam. I am going to have to try harder to get both he and Kale on a schedule and stick to it or I will end up pulling my hair out. I am starting to work through my daze and see the light at the end of the tunnel.....I know there will be hard days ahead, but I must keep on trucking for my boys' sake. Well that is about all......I think I am going to go flip tv stations and relax and then try to get some rest. Blake I love you honey-stay safe!!

Pictures

Here are some pictures from the deployment. I'm not smart enough to know how to move them around for them to be in order but hey at least I posted pictures.

Our last hug!!! I want just one more!!!

Heather, Wyatt, and Nik

Nik holding Wyatt and Blake holding Elijah

Aren't we just cute :)

Just us!

Look at him trying to be all romantic.

There we are after first formation.....it was damn early!!

The Phone Call I've Been Waiting For!!!

So I was tossing and turning around 1am when my phone went off with a text. It was Heather saying that Nik just called her.....YAY!!! So of course I waited and waited and nothing at all for me :( So around 1030 my phone rang with a funky number, I knew it had to be Blake, and it was!!!!! I can't describe how it felt to finally hear his voice. True it has only been 2 days, but its not like he is on vacation or something. So we talked 10 or 15 minutes and it was great. It made me feel better to hear his voice and know that he is ok......so tonight I was sitting there and I get a text that says get on yahoo messenger......so bit and I walk to them computer and not only did I get to talk to him I got to see him on webcam!!!! So I put Elijah up on the desk and he started cooeing and swatting at Blake on the screen. Talk about a bittersweet moment. Poor thing is going to think his daddy lives in the computer. So we talked for a few minutes and then he was off to have breakfast......today has been a good day. I am starting to see that I can do this!! It will be hard and will come with alot of sleepless nights, but I can do this!! So tomorrow when everyone is gathered with their families and shooting fireworks, just stop for a moment and send up some good thoughts and prayers for those who are separated from their families.....whether they are in the military or are separated for other reasons. I miss Blake so much, but I know I can do this!!! One more day without him here means one more day closer to him coming home....I miss you baby!! Stay safe!!!! 143

In a Daze........

Well well well.....what can I say. Yesterday(July 1st) sucked big time!! Blake left for Iraq and I just stood there frozen, in a daze. The morning began early as we had to be on post for 0550 formation. After that they ate breakfast. As we are standing in line Blake realizes he doesn't have an IR flag. Infra red flag patch that glows under night vision glasses. So he looks at me and I know that I am about to go search the town for an IR Flag. He asked Nik if he had one and he didn't, so off Heather and I go.......the places that had them were either sold out or didn't open until 10 which didn't help us because they were leaving at 10. So we get back in time to talk to the guys for a bit until they had to go draw their weapons. After that time flew....before I knew it they were lined up for another formation and then prayer....them the last second goodbyes...then another formation. As their name was called they had to board the bus, no kiss, no hug, no nothing............This was probably the single most emotional moment of the day.......I can't explain it. It was like I wanted to scream no don't go, but what good would that have done. I stood there clinging to Elijah and when Nik and Blake got their names called Heather and I just clung to one another................Poor Elijah's head was wet from my tears. He doesn't understand. And the worst thing is Blake won't be here to see him take his first steps, say his first word, he will miss all of the first things. So after the goodbyes it was time for Elijah and I to make the trip back to Arkansas.......
Elijah was so good for the trip i only had to stop twice to feed him. When we got to mom and dad's I saw Kale. I missed him so very much. He got up out of his recliner and gave me the biggest, longest hug I think he has ever given me.......its like he was saying mommy everything will be ok. So I have been walking around in a daze with my phone glued to me, waiting for the first call from Blake........I don't know when that will be, but I hope it is soon.....I need to hear his voice and know he is ok. I think I got a big 2 hours of sleep last night and I can't eat, if I do it just comes right back up. The night time is the worst. Elijah was screaming out of control and I knew he wanted daddy, but I was all he had and he eventually calmed down. I just want this time to go by smoothly and fast. I want all of the guys home and safe............I really am disappointed in myself. I thought I was better prepared for this. I know I have to start getting out of my daze, my boys need me, but I just don't know what to do.....it will come to me and I will get through this. I know I can. I have to. And when Blake comes home I will be waiting for him. So, Blake, if you are reading this please stay safe and know that I love you. I am so proud of you and proud to be your wife..........143

Nerves of Steel.......well kinda

Well today was more of the same....packing up and crying. Today was full of confirmations and double checking that we have all of our ducks in a row. We had the pre deployment briefing tonight which was boring as hell to say the least. We learned some new info and I actually made a friend....OK honestly I think we were separated at birth haha Hey Heather whoop whoop!!! Speaking of Heather I saw a poem on her myspace page that I am going to acquire for my blog hehe. Well that is all for now, because if I keep typing I will get all emotional again and that can't be happening.....peace out and see yall soon!!!

This is the poem I acquired from Heather's page:

i'm not ready to be on my own
i'm not ready to spend hours by the phone
i'm not ready to be a single mom
i'm not ready for it to be my dusk when its your dawn
i'm not ready for all of the tears
i'm not ready to face an empty bed for an entire year
i'm not ready for you to miss our son grow
i'm not ready to have only pictures to show
i'm not ready for what others have to say
i'm not ready for your deployment day
poem by:lashanda moon

and here is another one that I found a little bit ago and put it on my myspace page and thought I would share it here.

The Silent Ranks
I wear no uniforms, no blues or greens.But, I am in the military, in the ranks rarely seen.I have no rank upon my shoulders. Salutes I do not give.But in the military world is where I live and am rarely seen.I am not in the chain of command, orders I do not give or get.But my husband is the one who does, this I can not forget.I am not the one who fires a weapon, Who puts his life on the line.But my job is just as tough, I’m the one who is always left behind.My husband is a patriot, a brave and pride filled man.And the call to serve his country not all can understand.Behind the lines, I see things needed to keep this country free.My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do my kids and me.I love the man I married. The military is his life.So I pledge to support my hero and stand among the silent ranks known asTHE MILITARY WIFE.

The Begining of Many Hard Days

Well today was the first of many hard days to come. Today was the deployment ceremony and I was so not prepared for the flood of emotions. Elijah and I walked in to the Army band playing and it scared the hell out of him. So we walked to the opposite end of the gym and he calmed down a little bit. I spotted Blake in formation and he pointed me to sit with a girl I have met once....literally once. So we sat there and tried to listen to the top dawgs talk but you couldn't understand a thing they were saying. I heard blah blah blah God speed be with you. They played the National Anthem and I tell you I think this was the first time I heard it that I got emotional. It was different for me.....for the first time I felt a connection with the Army Wives around me. We all looked at each other and without saying a word we knew what each other was feeling. So they were done with the ceremony and we all went out on the gym floor to greet the guys. Once again Elijah started screaming his head off. It hit me.....he hadn't seen Blake in his ACU hat(the camoflauge baseball cap looking one) He didn't know who he was.........then it happened.....a glimpse into the future. I thought this is what it is going to be like when he returns........I almost broke down right then and there.....yes I said ALMOST!!! Even though I knew this was coming and even though I knew what I was getting into, it doesn't make it any easier. I HATE I mean HATE to hear people say, I know how you feel my husband was gone for a week last month. Come on!!! Give me a f-ing break!!! I know you are trying to help but seriously it doesn't. And God help you if you say well you knew what you were getting into. So now all there is left to do is finish packing up the house and just enjoy what little time I have left with my husband.
I always told myself that I would never marry a military man. Blake asked me a few months back what happened to that. I said I fell in love. If this has made me realize one thing it is cling tight to your other half. Yes, they drive you crazy at times and know how to push your buttons......but think of it like this........when your spouse is pushing yours, some where there is a military spouse wishing theirs could be home to push theirs. I think a deployment is a true test of a relationship. I don't know many friendships, let alonbe marriages, that could last 15-18 months without seeing or hugging or kissing the one you love. Just think about how blessed we all are to have love in our lives.......I know I am more blessed than I ever deserve to be.
I know this was the first of many hard and stressful days to come, but I have to be strong for my boys.......they need me to be strong! Strong is all I know to be sometimes. I place my faith and love in the good Lord's hands and I know He will protect all that I love and keep everyone safe. This coming fourth of July will probably be the hardest for me yet. Yes, it was hard when my brother was in Iraq, but truth is we aren't that close. It's different when it is your spouse, your better half. Just hold the ones you love and thank God that you have them...........I am starting to cry to I am going to pack some boxes and drowned my sorrow in coca cola :) I will see you all soon!!!!!!
Just a side note, Kale wasn't with us today because he stayed behind with granny and pop. He is having a wonderful time visiting with his daddy, step mother, and sister........I miss him horribly and it feels weird being here without him. Ryan and Erika have been a big help and have come through for me in the biggest way possible....thank you guys!!!

busy little bees

Well I know it has been 6 lifetimes since I have posted a blog......I know I know I suck at this. Today we got the uhaul trailer thingy and are in the process of packing it. Tomorrow we will head to Arkansas and be staying where the boys and I will be living while Blake is in Iraq. It is going to be a long exhausting day tomorrow and I am dreading it!!!! We will be there until around the 22nd and then its back to Oklahoma for Blake, Elijah, and me. We will come back here and pack the house up and put stuff in storage and see Blake off. He will leave sometime after that, I can't say online because the Army tells us not to. (Don't ask me just be proud of me for following the rules for once haha) Well I need to get off here and feed my men and finish packing and write 2 papers....ugh!!! I will try to post more once we get everything turned on in the village.

Our Lazy Sunday

Today was a very very lazy day for us. The highlight of the day was finding out that new episodes of Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends was on. So the boys played in the floor and watched that while I ironed. Other than that we just spent the day having lots of family time and getting ready for the upcoming week.

Elijah watching Kale get his award at school.

Kale walking to get his award!!!!!

Elijah playing in the floor. His onesie says:Face it-it's time to call Grandma :) My bestie Tracy got it for him!!
Kale playing with his fav toy-the pots and pans......don't ask me he has LOVED them for years.

newbie in the house

At the urgeing of my friend Amber and my fav sis-in-law, Stacy I have created a page. It took me 5 million tries to create a friggin password cause it was being stupid!!!! The page and I had a discussion and as you can see I won!!!! HA Take that technology!!!! So here is my attempt to stay connected with the world, although the only people that will look at this will be Amber and Stacy :)